I feel like a walnut

I did the unthinkable yesterday. I showed complete strangers my messy house.

My next door neighbor is looking for a new tenant for her townhouse and I offered to help show it for her. The couple that came to look yesterday afternoon were very nice with two young kids. Elli and I tried to be perfect tour guides, really talking up the place.

The townhouse is beautiful. Much, much nicer than ours. The owner remodeled it with beautiful upgrades throughout. I'm always jealous every time we go over there. The kitchen feels spacious and open. Her appliances are so much nicer. She has all the little extras that make a home cozy - wood floors, recessed lights, dimmer switches, shutters. It's easy for me to sell it because I like it so much.

They seemed very interested and asked a lot of questions as we walked to the pool. One question was concerning the different type of homes in the area. One thing led to another and before I knew it they were getting a tour of my house.

When will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut?

Our house is a disaster. The bathroom has toothpaste on the mirror. There was an overflowing pile of laundry in the hall. Books in boxes are lined up in the hall ready for the walkathon book sale, beds were unmade because it's laundry day, I could go on, and on, and on.

As we're walking through I'm apologizing for the condition of everything. I can't imagine what they think of their potential neighbors.

It was embarrassing. Really embarrassing.

We didn't used to live like this. We used to be really proud of our home and what it looked like.

But there's nothing about the inside of our house that makes us happy. Every time we walk in the door we feel like we've failed. Our furnishings are beautiful, but they're crammed into a space that's half the size we would like.

Elli says it best "I feel like a walnut all squished in my shell."

Our landlord won't upgrade anything so we're stuck. We could try to find a new place but it will cost a lot more than what we're paying now. Maybe I just need to clean up and de-clutter a little.

yep. That's the answer.

I'm off to clean the bathrooms.