My name is Kris. I'm a speed eater.

We get tons of magazines at our agency so I picked up a few in the mailroom to read over the weekend. As I was flipping through Body + Soul I came upon an article called "How to Eat Slowly". The girl in the article even looks like me. Have I been punked? Is Martha spying on me?

Ok, I admit it. I eat fast. It's kind of a joke in my family. I don't know why I do it. But I have always eaten fast. Sometimes it's embarrassing. I'm often done way before everyone else. Elli is the opposite. We call her pokihontas. She is so slow it makes me nuts.

According to the article, if I slow down it will help with digestion, weight and my overall health. So if I quit eating like a woodchuck maybe I can wear a bikini like Elli.  Just kidding. That is not a pretty image. I think I'll aim for wearing jeans comfortably (without having to do knee bends.)

Here are the tips. I'm laughing. #1 is especially funny. Here we go.
1) Mealtime pause. Have another family member plate my food and bring it to me.
2) Put my fork down in between bites.
3) Eating at a candle-lit table with soft music will slow down my eating.
4) Don't watch tv while eating.
5) Eat in slow motion. Tune into the flavors playing on my tongue.

All of this advice has scared me. No wonder I eat fast!

In the article they actually refer to us speed eaters as "Inveterate potato chip gobblers who chew like woodchucks until they hit the bottom of the bag." OMG. That image is enough to get me to slow down. Holy cow. Or should I say holy woodchuck.

My pledge: "I promise to slow down, stop eating like a woodchuck and always sit at a candle lit table."

So there you go. Let's see what happens.  "Honey?  Is my dinner ready?"

Honey???  Don?

Photo from images.com.